There's a possibility/the dogs days are over.

A year ago today, I was picking Mr. up from the airport. He flew home on a one-way ticket, BWI to MDW. He came to take me away from my hometown and all my family and friends, like some kind of Grim Reaper of happiness.

After the year we'd had previous to the move, I was full of insecurity and anxiety for the move. We arrived at our old house, where nearly everything we owned had been boxed up by me, my cousin Kim and my friend Chris. Everything was ready to be loaded into the moving truck. Only what we needed for the next few days was left out.

I felt like my life was falling apart.

I was walking away from everything I ever knew and loved for...for...for what, exactly??? For a blank slate that should have been pristine white, lit with sunlight and waiting for me to color all over it, but instead it was gray and cloudy and cold.

I will never forget putting my iPod on shuffle as I pulled away from the house after loading the trucks on the 14th and hearing the strains of the first song in the title to this post.

"There's a Possibility,
There's a Possibility,
All that I had was all I'm gonn' get. "

I cried as I pulled away. It felt like I couldn't breathe. Why couldn't "Jesus Take The Wheel" have played instead? (Because I don't own any country music.)

It was around June when I met one of the girls who I would learn is one of the most genuinely kind people in the world. I was just in the right place, at the right time and I met the right person. And Friend 1 introduced me to Friend 2, who is all kinds of awesome. And then several months later, I took friend 2 out to a random meetup one night, where we met Friend 3. (Meetup is where people like me, who want to meet people but are sick of being looked at funny for being friendly in the grocery store connect with other people online and then literally meet up in real life and hopefully the other online people aren't axe murderers.) Lucky for Friend 2 and myself, Friend 3 is anything but an axe murderer. Friend 3 is so sweet, I need extra insulin just to be around her.

And just like that, in a matter of less than six months, my empty social circle became full and better than anything I could have ever wished for.

I was thinking about that tonight, while I was out with Friend 2 and Friend 3, and their husbands, and their kids (we are fortunate to enjoy some kind of cosmic magic where our husbands all get along and our children all love each other) while we were all out for pizza together. And I felt like the Grinch, after he steals Christmas and then hears all the Whos in Whoville singing, because my heart was so full I thought it might explode. The only thing that could have possibly made the moment better was if we were eating Lou Malnati's pizza.

Then the speakers in the pizza place played the second song in the title of this post.

"Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done..."

And that's the story of how nearly a year to the day after leaving everything I've ever loved behind, I've found the most incredible existence that I didn't even know - or believe - existed.

I am truly the luckiest girl in the world.

"I'll pray for you"

This past Sunday, there was a small paragraph in the church bulletin that changed my life. No, really. Changed. My. Life.

It read:

Prayers of the People (inspired by a prayer of George Appleton)

"Hold a name lovingly, trustingly before God , without diagnosing the person's need, or telling God what to do, leaving God to do, what in love is most needed.

The name may be repeated many times, on the lips, on the mind, and then held silently in the heart.

If Christ's name is added after the name of the one for whom we are praying, God's love is invoked to magnify our own human love."

And I sat in my pew with a heavy heart, having very recently learned of a friend's pregnancy loss. I lowered my head and quietly repeated her name as tears of grief fell in sympathy for her family's pain. In the past I would have directly asked God for what *I* wanted for her...comfort, peace, healing, strength. But after reading that paragraph on intercessory prayer I was struck by how ridiculous it is for me to tell God what to do, how utterly foolish it is for me to think that I know what this person needs. I know nothing except that I love them and they need what only God can give. So I sat and quietly prayed my friend's name. I focused all of my thoughts and energy on her with each breath. And gently with every heartbeat, with every repetition, a silent transaction took place. My heart released all the sadness for my friend's hurt and replaced it with hope for her healing. As I emptied the pain that I didn't even have words for, it was taken up by a power much greater than my own.

This was a very meaningful touchpoint in my faith journey. I've prayed before and I've never sensed the same release of my burden into God's care the same way. It was enlightening.

So from now on if I tell you that I'll pray for you, there's a good chance that I won't be asking God to help you find a new job or heal you from your illness or whatever. I will simply enter a quiet space where I can focus all of my being on your name, breathing you in, breathing you out, placing you fully in God's care. Isn't that where you want to be anyways?

Autobiography

I recently volunteered to be an area group leader for the mothers' group that has been our lifeline here ever since we found them. I really hadn't planned on doing that, but they asked and I have the time and all the moms there have been so great to me and Moose that I felt like I needed to give a little back to the community. Y'all know I'm a huge sucka for community service anyhow.

Part of what I had to do to get started with my new volunteer position was write up a small bio on myself to be posted on the group's "Staff" page. I've never written out my own story before. I write out small parts of my story all the time here on my blog but I've never written out all of my own story before, or had to figure out how to condense a lifetime into two small paragraphs. I ended up writing about my family, my passions and my plans for my future. I left out a lot of my past simply because there wasn't room and it wasn't exactly relevant to the purpose of what I was writing. But I got to sit and give it some thought, and write my story.

And then after I clicked "send", I thought about how cool it is that each of us get to write our own story every single day. That thought is so inspiring and liberating to me. Every day, I get to choose my own adventure, like those books I read in grade school. Every day, I get to write and tell my own story, and so do you! It gave me pause to consider...what story am I writing, for my husband, for my son, for even my pets? For my friends, for my brothers, for everyone I love? Our "happily ever afters" are all a daily work in process, as we cultivate love, friendship, intimacy, passion and compassion in our lives. To me, it was a refreshing and encouraging challenge to think about the story I'm writing with my life. There's not one part of my story that I would go back and erase if I had the opportunity. And for that I say thank you to all my friends and family and people I love who have been a part of my story. It's all a part of who I am today, and I really dig that chick.

Pro Tip: How not to be my friend

I don't take friendship lightly. To me, my friends are an extension of my family. They are the family that I choose. I have some new friends, but the majority of my friends are people I've considered to be friends for most of my life. Among the friends that I hold dear are people that I've loved for 5, 10, 20 or 30 years. Some of my friends are ex boyfriends. I loved them once and I still love them, albeit in a very different way. But the point is, my friends all own real estate holdings in my heart, and it is not in my nature to serve anyone an eviction notice. I don't throw friends away.

I did have to, however, disengage myself from a relationship recently. It was a sad occurrence, and a rarity in my life. I am not the type of person who will grow close and attached to you, and then find some silly and small reason to dismiss everything about you that had been so precious to me. I don't treat my relationships flippantly. This friend that I had to distance myself from broke every rule in my friendship rules book, so I had to let her go. So I'm writing this primer for you, dear friends, so you don't make the same mistakes she did. So, without further ado here are The Rules:

Do's

1) Be honest. I will always be honest with you, even if it is difficult for me to say and harder for you to hear. Because a true friend loves you that much, and will go through that kind of emotional distress that is painful, but makes you better.

2) Be generous. Darling, it's not all about you. Friendship is a two way street of give and take.

3) Be funny, with the ability to be deep. There are few things in life that I enjoy more than a good joke. At the same time, there are some real, big struggles and issues in life that we will have the opportunity to traverse together. Be able and ready to go there with me. I might need you, or you might need me.

4) Love others as much as you love yourself. I have a big, generous, giving heart. Don't take advantage. Be able to give as much as you get.

5) Be yourself. I'm the type of person who thrives on diversity and loves meeting new people and learning about our differences in history and opinion. There's something wonderful that I love about challenging myself and what I think. I love to grow and learn and expand my horizons after being exposed to new thoughts and ideas. We may both be diamonds in the rough, but at each others' sides we can polish and perfect each other and become better people together.

Which leads me to the don'ts:

1) Don't make up some some incredibly traumatic and sad attention whore stories in an effort to make me feel piteous empathy for you. When I tell you I was molested at a young age, don't say "me too!" When I share with you how I struggled with having diabetes in my youth and trying to hide it from everybody I knew because I was ashamed to be different, don't say "me too!" It's not called trying to bond with me if it's lying. Of course, if these things are true you go on right ahead and share your experiences with me. Be genuine and true to me, because I will always be the same to you.

2) Don't stay up until 2 am with me, discussing at length your crisis of faith because you were one faith on one side of the family and something completely different on the other when none of it is true. Dude, I take my theology seriously. God is not something to be trifled with. I mean, really. Don't even try to defend this. This disgusts me.

3) Don't make up some grandiose background story about all of your amazing professional accomplishments you had before you had children. First of all, nobody like a braggart so this kind of I'm-so-awesomeism is not going to endear yourself to me. Secondly, you made all of this up. You don't have to be a former social services attorney to get me to like you. You just have to be you.

4) Be never too busy to call back. There are few things more irritating to me than someone who can't be troubled to return a call, email or text message. Once or twice is no big deal, everyone slips. Also, don't make a habit of cancelling or rescheduling plans at the last minute. My time and my schedule is important too! When I find that you are actually Queen of the Flakes and this is your regular behavior pattern, that makes me want to tell you to go plow. Because you're just rude.

5) If a problem or conflict arises in our relationship, woman up and deal with it. Don't stick your head in the sand and wish it would go away. Because it won't. I'll just lose respect for you and view you as someone with such a lack of maturity and life skills that you can't even face me, your friend, and discuss real life problems in a civil manner. Don't send someone else to do your dirty work for you. Don't send in your husband or other friend as a makeshift mediator. Oh no, honey. This is between me and you and I'm not playing telephone with other people to try to get my point across. You're a grown up. Now act like it.

I know I'm not perfect. But I do try, I try very hard to be a good person, a good wife, a good mother and a good friend. I might mess up. I won't get it right every time. But I will try, and I will always be honest and generous and kind and good to you as best as I know how. All I ask is the same in return. In this great journey of life, you're going to need some good friends. I can be one of yours, if you can master these 10 simple and easy rules.

Hi, it's me. I miss you.

I have too many calls that I could make and say this when you answer the phone. I wanted to say I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I'm sorry for letting myself suffer quietly when I know you would have done anything to be there for me - to listen to me, to let me cry, and to tell me that it will get better and that you're always only a phone call away. I've been so busy unpacking boxes while feeling sorry for myself that I forgot that it's okay to reach out when I need it.

I miss driving up to see you and watching our husbands race to eat caramel covered onions.

I miss going to lunch or for coffee with you, and not being afraid to let you see my heart.

I miss reaching the things on the high shelves for you at Jewel.

I miss playing laser tag with you and dancing to the techno music in the strobe lights, and laughing so hard it hurts.

I miss eating your taco dip even though it's covered in jalapenos, and nobody else wants to touch it.

I'm so sad that I'm missing how glorious you look during your pregnancy.

I miss your hand motions to Bee Gees songs.

I miss hearing about all the races you're training for.

I miss the way you get excited over pocky.

I miss bringing you lattes because it makes me happy to make good people happy.

I miss watching our children playing together.

I miss laughing with you.

I miss crying with you.

I miss your hugs.

If any of that made you wonder if I meant you, I probably did. I miss you. I know that even though I feel lonely and sad and that I miss you so much it hurts, I know you're still there.

I promise to not replace you with new friends. I couldn't if I tried. There's only one you. I hope you know how much I love you and miss you.