I have too many calls that I could make and say this when you answer the phone. I wanted to say I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I'm sorry for letting myself suffer quietly when I know you would have done anything to be there for me - to listen to me, to let me cry, and to tell me that it will get better and that you're always only a phone call away. I've been so busy unpacking boxes while feeling sorry for myself that I forgot that it's okay to reach out when I need it.
I miss driving up to see you and watching our husbands race to eat caramel covered onions.
I miss going to lunch or for coffee with you, and not being afraid to let you see my heart.
I miss reaching the things on the high shelves for you at Jewel.
I miss playing laser tag with you and dancing to the techno music in the strobe lights, and laughing so hard it hurts.
I miss eating your taco dip even though it's covered in jalapenos, and nobody else wants to touch it.
I'm so sad that I'm missing how glorious you look during your pregnancy.
I miss your hand motions to Bee Gees songs.
I miss hearing about all the races you're training for.
I miss the way you get excited over pocky.
I miss bringing you lattes because it makes me happy to make good people happy.
I miss watching our children playing together.
I miss laughing with you.
I miss crying with you.
I miss your hugs.
If any of that made you wonder if I meant you, I probably did. I miss you. I know that even though I feel lonely and sad and that I miss you so much it hurts, I know you're still there.
I promise to not replace you with new friends. I couldn't if I tried. There's only one you. I hope you know how much I love you and miss you.