On Sunday, I wrote a post in which I said, "I miss my life." It has come to my attention that I grossly misspoke.
I realized this last night, when Mr. found my old contacts book from my old job and brought it to me while I was in the kitchen. As I flipped through pages and pages of passwords, network configurations, IP addresses, account numbers, business cards and cell phone numbers I kind of laughed. At one time, six and a half years ago, that book was gold. It was priceless. It was indispensable for my job - for my life. And when my position was eliminated because they couldn't afford to keep me (after months of searching for a reason to fire me "with cause" when there was none), I took it all with me. Good luck to them trying to figure it out when I had all of my priceless information with me and only me. I traced the names and numbers with my fingertip and realized that at that time, this was my life. All bound up in a little book, names and numbers and birthdays and all the other information I had gathered to help me in my little career. That was my life, and now it's worthless. I threw it out.
And then I looked around me - at my husband, toting laundry downstairs, and at my son who was sitting on the sofa, at my dirty dinner dishes as I loaded them in the dishwasher, at my dogs panting at my feet for a walk...and then it hit me. THIS is my life. This is what I wake up for every morning, this is what I am passionate about. This is what I love, and by God's grace I still have it all intact and it is priceless.
I drifted off to sleep last night humbled, but warm at this revelation. This morning when I rose, it was a bright and sunny day. Daffodils are sprouting up from the ground, birds are singing and the season is warming as the earth comes back to life. That's kind of how my heart feels right now.
I'll tell ya what, it sucked moving during the winter and driving across the country through the snow. And silly me didn't see then what I realize now...by the time my heart was ready to warm up to all of the changes, it would be Spring. Spring is the season of new life, as Christian faiths celebrate Christ rising from the dead. Spring is the season when everything becomes green and lush and vibrant with a new beginning. And so it is Spring. And so I have a new beginning.
And when I think of it in that way, I'm actually quite blessed.
So now I'm heading out to the store, with my coupons and a plan. Because while some things change and are totally new...some things will always be the same. Time to go legally steal some cereal... :)
P.S. I can't update my Facebook status (yet) so I'm putting this here. Happy birthday, Timoth. You're the best pastor I've ever had. Today is perhaps the best and most perfect day (for me) to celebrate the day you were born. You inspired new life into my faith journey, and awakened a path in my heart that had long been dormant and forgotten. You're incredibly precious to me, and I miss you.