Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Can you want something and not want something at the same time?

I want to move. I really, really do. I am truly excited to see what is on the other end of the road for us, I'm excited for the journey. I'm also a little scared, and a bit anxious that this move is going to challenge me in ways I'm not expecting and am not prepared to handle. But I am excited to see the blessings we will encounter, and I'm excited to be able to have a very hands on role in building a church from the very beginning that I am passionate about. It's very second chapter of Acts, and that's one of my most favorite passages. I would love, love, love to be a part of a church community where the Gospel was as alive as it was in the second chapter of Acts.

But also, I don't want to move. Let's face it, I live in a really nice community. And we do love the church we have found here. I love how safe Naperville is, and I love how great the schools are. I love the sense of community in this town. I love the charming downtown. I love the new Whole Foods that just opened today that is close enough for me to ride my bike to! *hooting and hollering* And I love my friends. I love my babywearing playgroup friends, my API group friends, my church friends and my high school friends.

And I love my best friend in the whole wide world. My precious Crystal has been the best friend of my heart for the better part of 20 years, and today the reality of her being a whole plane ride away from where I live was just overwhelming. A plane ride away. What if I need her? Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly. He is a wonderful man and I couldn't ask God for a better partner in life. But no matter how much you love your man, there are some things that only a girlfriend will "get". She has been the truest, most faithful friend. She has been there for me through family troubles, marriage troubles, the pain of divorce. She is smart and kind and always knows how to help me make sense of things when the world is confusing. Her friendship is one of God's greatest blessings in my life.

And as much as I love the idea of something new, exciting and challenging....I am also scared to death to leave my familiar comforts for the great unknown. And also, I just don't want to be that far away from the greatest friend who ever lived.

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